Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
