Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
