i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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