Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
