I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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