Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
