I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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