Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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