He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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