My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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