Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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