May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
