My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
