i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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