Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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