I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
