I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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