I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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