he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
