the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
