Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
