If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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