You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
