Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
