i don't like sucking hair
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
