careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
