my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
