she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
