Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
