You work out of a Hotel?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
