are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
