I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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