i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
