i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a search helicopter?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
