My liver just broke up with me...
My balls are so social today.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
