The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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