i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
