the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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