After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
