There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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