I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
