Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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