I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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