btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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