i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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