We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize