You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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