The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
