Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
