Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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