i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
