And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
