I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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