I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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