you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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