Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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