Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
