thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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