Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
