I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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