Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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