Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
