Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish you could order shots online.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
