The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They took my balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
