There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
