she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
