She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
this is an emotional support booty call
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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