found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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