and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
