Umm I'm too high to move.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
