So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
