My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
