It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize