drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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