Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you win again, gameday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
