I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
