Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize