wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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