your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
3 2 1 whiskey
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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