The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize