Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
