Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize