I cannot find my penis.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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