worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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