yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
