Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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