we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
