i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
