Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
