his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
