my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
