I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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