Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
